When I started an in-depth Bible study six weeks ago, I expected to learn.
I expected to understand Scripture better.
I expected to discover things I had never noticed before.
I expected lots of notebooks, highlighters, commentaries, and probably far more binders than any reasonable person should own.
What I did not expect…
…was to cry.
I Thought I Was Studying the Bible
For nearly six weeks, I immersed myself in Scripture.
- Word studies
- Historical context
- Commentaries
- Cross-references
- Theme syntheses
Every morning, one ordinary step at a time, I kept laying another piece of the foundation.
I was learning so much that I never stopped to ask one simple question.
What happens when God’s truth starts reaching places I’ve spent years protecting?
About a week ago, I began the reflection portion of my study.
Instead of asking only,
“What does this passage mean?”
I started asking,
“What has this passage been changing in me?”
Then something unexpected happened.
A Christian concert.
One song.
One honest conversation.
A quiet night talking to God.
And suddenly emotions I hadn’t been able to feel for years were there.
Not because the concert caused them.
Because the study had been preparing my heart long before I realized it.
The concert simply uncovered what God had already been doing.
Looking Back, It Makes Perfect Sense
Looking back, I almost laugh.
I spent weeks designing a study process.
I planned the binders.
The research.
The organization.
The workflow.
I even calculated how many feet of shelf space I would eventually need.
I had no idea then how much bigger the story behind that study would become, something I later wrote about in Why the Journey Began.
Somehow…
I never stopped to consider that while I was carefully building a Bible study…
God was quietly rebuilding me.
Maybe that’s because survival had taught me not to feel very much at all.
For years, shutting down emotionally helped me keep going.
So when those emotions finally began returning, my first thought wasn’t,
“This is wonderful.”
It was,
“What in the world is happening?”
If You’re Beginning Your Own Healing Journey
If you’re reading this because you’re beginning your own journey of healing, here’s what I wish someone had told me.
Sometimes healing doesn’t only teach you new truths.
Sometimes it gently awakens parts of your heart that have been asleep for a long time.
That can feel beautiful.
It can also feel overwhelming.
If that happens, don’t assume you’ve done something wrong.
You don’t have to rush through it.
Looking back, I realize those emotions didn’t appear overnight.
They emerged after weeks of quietly laying a biblical foundation, one ordinary morning at a time.
Sometimes the deepest work God does isn’t just changing what we know.
Sometimes it’s changing what we’ve been able to feel.
The Lesson I’m Learning
I’m still in the middle of that journey.
I haven’t finished the study.
I’m not “there” yet.
But one thing has become very clear.
God isn’t only rebuilding my understanding.
He’s rebuilding my heart.
And maybe that’s been His purpose all along.
I just thought I was studying the Bible.
With hope,
Raven